some lazy, college student's ramblings
Published on October 14, 2007 By mr.costlow In Dating
I'm referring to one of my good friends here in Campbellsville University (CU). The poor guy apparently had a very messed up summer break. He's a bit obsessive compulsive and he is quite prone to anxiety problems. From what he and his ex- tell me he was hit really hard for some reason and in the process had a huge falling out with his church and God in general. While I like to think I can be sensitive about this sort of stuff I also find myself getting very upset with him because he's not even trying to bounce back.

Instead he's broken up with this girl, who was his fiance of three years, and started some generally unhealthy living practices. She is also a good friend of mine and is likely the reason I ended up so upset with him. It's not like he's just ending "some relationship" but it's his first love. She's probably the best woman he or any other guy would likely find for a long time as well. By the way... his only excuse is that he simply wants to be able to do what he wants and this is it.

Less than forty-eight hours after the initial break-up he already has a rebound chick. Coincidentally enough her name is Trixie (slutty enough sounding name for ya?). All that I've heard about her before this stuff happened was that she is supposedly some sort of goodie-goodie who doesn't know what an orgasm is at the age of 21. I'm a bit skeptical about that one and the fact that that's all I ever heard about her before leaves me unsatisfied. Something tells me she's been putting on an act for an occasion just like this one.

So, back to the first girl (the one that has a good rep with me already). Ever since all of this went down another one of my buddies started hitting on her and she obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with him. People tell him to stop but he doesn't seem to care.

More recently I find myself becoming attracted to her as well but it's strange because I have absolutely no problem just letting her run about with all of this drama. I kind of want to interfere but after a three year relationship this is way too soon for someone to pick up the pieces and try to have a healthy relationship with either of them. Besides, what could I do to help either of them, with their legions of other friends already working to mend the tensions and such?

I'm definitely going to give this whole thing some time and just try to be the friend to them both that I think they need. A realistic friend who will just be friends no matter what. There aren't any words I can offer either side right now so I'll try and rely on my actions speaking loud enough for me. I sure hope they get back together because I don't want to even think about a relationship with someone yet. If they get back together I know I can easily mask any "more than friends" feelings toward her. And besides, I don't think I've totally let go of the things I did wrong when I was with Sarah (my ex-). I'm tired of only being good enough to be a boyfriend. This kid wants to know who he can settle down with. A.S.A.P.

Right. So, this here article was simply a way for me to get the thoughts rolling. Any insights from experience or simple knowledge to help calm my ever-wandering mind would be greatly appreciated.

Until then, Costlow over and out!

Comments (Page 1)
on Oct 14, 2007

I'm definitely going to give this whole thing some time and just try to be the friend to them both that I think they need. A realistic friend who will just be friends no matter what.

Well, that sounds familiar...I believe I did a similar thing a few years back.  Hope you'll perform well, Costlow.

~Zoo

on Oct 14, 2007
You seem to have the right idea. Just mind your own business, say non-committal things like "uh huh" and "I see how you feel" and keep out of their issues except to say you support their decisions, good or bad. all those folks trying to interfere and "help" are just tap dancing in the minefield.
on Oct 14, 2007
Well, I'm also rather sure that this attraction I have is just because for some reason it seems like guys are too stupid to avoid falling for hurt women. It will likely pass and then I'll be more than cool again with the whole thing. And yeah, I really don't want to go around trying to "help". That's never worked before I doubt it will start now.
on Oct 15, 2007
Oh Costlow....*sigh.
Stay away from hurt women. You are an infamous "fix it" type and no matter how you try, you cannot give this girl what she is now missing in her life-she's not ready and you have the wrong good intentions-even though they're subconscious. God has given you a wonderful spiritual gift, but be SO SO carful about how you use it. Please!
LOVE!
S.C.
on Oct 15, 2007
Uhh... I just basically said that. Thanks for putting your 2 cents in though... now I know I was just being my typical self. I really need to figure out how to stop that.

Speaking of fixing. The last time I heard from you you didn't know if you were still with ol' crazy name or not. Did things work themselves out in the end? (I realize the bad taste of asking in the middle of a break-up article comment but I'm not smooth enough to find another way to ask for updates on my friends' lives.)
on Oct 15, 2007
Stay away from hurt women. You are an infamous "fix it" type


That would probably be the best advice for me as well...but it's in my nature. I have White Knight Syndrome...but I don't really mind it. I never have a girlfriend, but at least I have friends. ....yeah, it's great. Can't wait to die alone...

~Zoo

on Oct 15, 2007
Did things work themselves out in the end?


Yes they did actually, but not before I almost ruined my chances with him. However, Jesus is good to me and has used all my idiocy for good and now we are a great deal more in love and more tried and true. Thank you for asking...has it really been that long!? wow! I forgive your bad taste btw lol!
LOVE!
S.C.
on Oct 15, 2007
I never have a girlfriend, but at least I have friends. ....yeah, it's great. Can't wait to die alone...


I am in a constant state of laughter when I read your comments, Shaun. It saddens me to think you are the least bit serious though. And yes, you have a chronic case of white knight syndrom. The both of you need to create some type of support system. Women are for the most part horrible and shallow anyway, so don't waste your energy.
on Oct 15, 2007
It saddens me to think you are the least bit serious though.


Actually, I'm quite serious...but no reason to bitch about it...nothing ever changes.

Women are for the most part horrible and shallow anyway, so don't waste your energy.


I really want to believe that...and I really want to quit caring...and I really wish it was easy to do.

I can't turn my back on someone in pain, though...especially someone close to me.

*sigh* I'm pathetic.

~Zoo
on Oct 16, 2007
Honestly, I think I confuse being comfortable around individual women as having a deep connection with them. At the same time though I really am not interested in having a "girlfriend".

At this point in my life one couldn't offer me anything to make too big of a difference. I mean, I already hang out with plenty of people as it is and I have no desire to devote more of my time to something other than school work. I'm doing poorly enough as it is spending most of my extra time applying to stores all over the city.
on Oct 16, 2007
I really want to believe that...and I really want to quit caring...and I really wish it was easy to do.I can't turn my back on someone in pain, though...especially someone close to me.


I know, and that's why you are going to find the perfect woman. However, like all good things in life, they cannot be rushed, Shaun. You have to be happy with what you are now before you can move to the next thing. Enjoy where you are in life, you are only 20 for heaven sakes!

Honestly, I think I confuse being comfortable around individual women as having a deep connection with them


Really?! hmm...I don't know of many men who know how to appreciate a deep connection in the first place, so that's kinda neat about you lol!

I'm doing poorly enough as it is spending most of my extra time applying to stores all over the city.


Hey! move to Circleville and come work with me!! You will LOVE IT!!!
on Oct 16, 2007
Where do you work?
on Oct 16, 2007
I know, and that's why you are going to find the perfect woman. However, like all good things in life, they cannot be rushed, Shaun. You have to be happy with what you are now before you can move to the next thing. Enjoy where you are in life, you are only 20 for heaven sakes!


How about when I'm 40 and still single...you going to say the same thing? I really hate to be so touchy about this...but everywhere I look these days someone is or has been in a relationship that was meaningful for them. Me? Not one damn time. I'm kinda of bitter about the fact, really. When you think about I've really missed one of the key experiences of being a teenager and now I move on to my early 20s and I don't see any changes in the near future. Yeah, one can get a little depressed if you're in my position.

~Zoo
on Oct 16, 2007
Where do you work?


At the Dollar General WOOHOO! I'm there like everyday and the people are so nice there...you should really get a job with me. Jeffers wouldn't do it...but he's just playing hard to get.
on Oct 16, 2007
At the Dollar General


Which one?...Circleville has like 3,548 dollar stores.

~Zoo
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